I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
home. puking in laundry basket.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
