she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
