Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
