I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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