Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
