It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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