I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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