Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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