Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
