My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
