Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
