And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
