I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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