he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
