She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
