yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
3 2 1 whiskey
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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