last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
