I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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