I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
