I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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