Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
