See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
