remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
