I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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