Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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