ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
