Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
