yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
