someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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