im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
