btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
