I love black thongs
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
