You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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