Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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