omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
