We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
