There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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