I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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