just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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