So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
