Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
