I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Randomize
