hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
