Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
