just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
