Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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