Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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