the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
