I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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