Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
