Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
