but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
