so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
