I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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