So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
