If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
