We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
