Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
