He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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