either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
