I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
