I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
