i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
