R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
it was like eating out sand paper
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
