I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
