with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
