My sheets look like a crime scene.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
