I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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