There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
There are leaves in my underwear?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
