in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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