The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
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