Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
