nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
