I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
