i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
